Black Girl Heal is a reader-supported site. When you visit or purchase through links on the site, we may receive a commission.
Hello, my beautiful sisters.
Today, we’re diving into something so many of us wrestle with: seeking validation from other people.
It’s that deep need for others to approve of our choices, acknowledge our worth, and make us feel like we’re enough.
But here’s the truth—you don’t need anyone else’s permission to live your life. You already have all the validation you need within you.
The Trap of Seeking Validation
Let’s talk about why this happens.
Maybe you’ve grown up in environments where love and approval were tied to performance—what you achieved, how you looked, or how you made others feel.
Maybe you’ve spent years bending over backward trying to meet everyone’s expectations, and now, you feel lost when their validation isn’t there.
Sisters, I get it.
Seeking validation is exhausting. It keeps you stuck in a cycle of second-guessing yourself and measuring your worth by someone else’s standards. It can even make you hesitate to chase your dreams because you’re afraid of what others will think.
But you weren’t created to live for the opinions of others.
Validation Comes from Within
The need for external validation often masks a deeper truth: you don’t fully see or believe in your own worth yet. But here’s the good news—you can change that.
When you stop looking outward for validation and start turning inward, you’ll discover that you’re enough just as you are.
Living your life authentically means trusting your intuition, embracing your uniqueness, and making decisions that align with your purpose—not someone else’s expectations.
You Are Enough
Let me remind you of this: your worth isn’t up for debate.
It isn’t tied to how many people like you, praise you, or agree with you. It comes from within, and it’s rooted in the fact that you were beautifully and intentionally created.
How to Stop Seeking Validation and Start Living Authentically
1. Identify Where You’re Seeking Validation
Take a moment to reflect:
- Whose approval are you chasing?
- What areas of your life feel dependent on others’ opinions?
Recognizing these patterns is the first step to breaking free.
2. Build Self-Awareness
Ask yourself: What do I want? What makes me happy? Start journaling about your goals, values, and dreams. The more you understand yourself, the less you’ll rely on others to define you.
3. Set Boundaries and Prioritize Yourself
Stop saying “yes” to things that don’t align with your purpose just to please others. Learn to set boundaries and focus your energy on what truly matters to you.
4. Celebrate Your Wins, Big and Small
Don’t wait for someone else to clap for you—celebrate yourself. Whether it’s completing a project, overcoming a fear, or just getting through a tough day, give yourself credit.
5. Affirm Your Worth Daily
Create affirmations that remind you of your value. Say them out loud every day. For example:
- “I am enough just as I am.”
- “My worth is not determined by others’ opinions.”
- “I trust myself to make the best decisions for my life.”
6. Surround Yourself with Supportive People
Find people who uplift you and respect you for who you are, not what you can do for them.
7. Take Action Without Overthinking
When you start overanalyzing what others might think, pause and ask: Does this align with my values and goals? If it does, move forward with confidence.
Uplifting Call to Action
Sisters, your life is yours to live. You weren’t created to fit into someone else’s mold or live by their rules. You were designed to shine in your own unique way.
The next time you catch yourself seeking validation, stop and remind yourself: I am worthy. I am enough. I have everything I need within me to live the life I desire.
Take one bold step today—say no to something that doesn’t serve you, try something you’ve been scared to do, or celebrate a win without looking for outside approval.
You’ve got this, and the world is waiting to see you live authentically and boldly.
Now go and own it.
